ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
My warmest thanks to all the men who shared with me their hearts and souls, their bodies and beds, and their fantasies and desires. Without them, this book wouldn’t exist.
I am eternally grateful to Paula Litzky, whose brilliance, savvy, and enthusiasm turned my book fantasies into reality; to Shaye Areheart, for believing in the book so strongly and then making it even better; to the irrepressible Joanna; to Henry D., for his loving support and his poppity-pop-pop ideas; and to Deborah C. for being a great friend, valued advisor, and inspiring Wild Woman.
ABOUT THE BOOK
The author of the hugely successful and perennially popular 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed is back with an all-new, easy-to-use guide that elevates sexual proficiency and erotic ecstasy to an entirely new level.
‘The secret lies not in comeliness or technique but in the fearlessness to reveal your truest female self’, writes Olivia St. Claire as she refines the art of driving him wild. Olivia helps you identify your passion triggers, safely guides you to the edge of your boundaries, and tells you everything you ever wanted to know about truly passionate lovemaking.
Frankly erotic, playfully sexy and intelligently written, 302 Advanced Techniques for Driving a Man Wild in Bed is simple enough to consult at a moment’s notice, but sophisticated enough to leave him breathless at your newfound prowess. The inviting layout and the numbered tips make it easy and fun for a willing couple to embark upon an amorous adventure – whenever and wherever the spirit moves them. Users of this dazzling selection of sexual techniques will bring any man to his knees.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Olivia St. Claire is a former communications industry professional who now writes full time. She is the author of 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed and 227 Ways to Unleash the Sex Goddess in Every Woman.
Also by Olivia St Claire
227 WAYS TO UNLEASH THE SEX GODDESS IN
EVERY WOMAN
302 ADVANCED TECHNIQUES FOR DRIVING A
MAN WILD IN BED
and published by Bantam Books
APPENDIX: GUIDELINES FOR SAFER SEX
these guidelines were created by the Gay Men’s Health Crisis (from their pamphlet HIV & AIDS: The Basics written by Stephen de Francesco, © Gay Men’s Health Crisis, Inc.):
“Safer sex is just common sense. Since we know that the [HIV] virus is transmitted by body fluids entering another body, the sensible way to prevent infection is to block that entrance. Latex condoms (rubbers) have been proven to be the most effective prevention against HIV infection. Lambskin and other ‘natural membrane’ products are not as good as latex. They may allow HIV to pass through. The use of spermicidal (sperm-killing) lubricants, especially those with nonoxynol-9, may increase your protection. But they should always be used with a condom and never instead of a condom.
“Many condoms are prelubricated, some with spermicide, but you will probably want to use unlubricated condoms for oral sex with men. Condoms still provide the greatest protection, and relieve you of the worry about the risk involved. Both men and women should learn how to use condoms properly. Make them an integral part of sex and not an embarrassing, fumbling intermission.
“Here are the basic steps: When the penis is hard, roll the condom down all the way to the base, leaving some space at the head. Also, be sure to squeeze any air bubbles out. In vaginal or anal intercourse, use plenty of water-based lubricant . . . (baby oil, hand lotions, and petroleum-based products . . . can break down the latex within minutes). This will reduce the risk of breaking the rubber or injuring body tissue, which could leave an opening for infection.
“Condoms seldom break when used correctly, but it’s still a good idea to [have your man] pull out before coming. The condom should be rolled off (not pulled) after coming and before losing the erection. Don’t take the condom out of its sealed package until you’re ready to put it on. And don’t rip the package open with your teeth—you might rip the condom, too. Keep unopened condoms protected from heat, sunlight, moisture, and fluorescent light. Most companies put an expiration date on the box or on the individual wrappers. Others put the date of manufacture. When stored in a cool, dry place (not [a] wallet or glove compartment!) condoms are good for about two years from the date of manufacture. . . .
“In oral sex with women, dental dams may be used. (However, they have not been tested for protection against HIV.) A dental dam is a six-inch-square piece of thin latex that’s available in dental and medical supply stores. You can make a home-made dam by cutting a rolled condom to the center and opening it up. In both cases, it should be rinsed first to remove any talc or other substance, and then dried. The dam should cover the entire vulva and should be held at both edges. Be careful not to turn the dam inside-out during oral sex, since this will totally defeat the purpose. Dental dams can also be used for oral-anal sex by both men and women. Remember: Never reuse condoms or dental dams!!!”
Remember, too, that even safer than latex barriers are activities like massage, hugging, body-to-body rubbing, mutual masturbation, dry kissing, fantasy, voyeurism, and exhibitionism. If you’ve read the rest of this book, you’ve learned some great techniques for making all those activities wonderfully erotic—and you’ve probably developed some of your own. Use and expand on these and never forget that great sex begins in your head (and heart). I’ve heard of couples who give each other orgasms merely by staring into each other’s eyes!
Sex is not as carefree, and dare-free, as it used to be; but if you act wisely and responsibly, you and your man can still drive each other wild in bed.
1
the secrets of great sex
MANY YEARS AGO, I had a friend named Joanna, who was a great enigma to me. She was extremely plain and had a rather awkward, unappealing body: angular, out of proportion, with small, unattractively shaped breasts and large hips. Although pleasant enough, her personality was nothing out of the ordinary. Her conversation wasn’t particularly sparkling and her movements weren’t wildly sexual. Yet men – really wonderful men – always swarmed around her. And the lucky few who got her into bed were even more enamored after the heady experience of making love with her. Despite all appearances to the contrary, Joanna was apparently a very sexy woman. What was her secret?
I asked several men who knew her. “I don’t know. There’s just something about her that’s very sexy.” “She gives you the impression that she’d be a tigress in bed.” “Joanna makes me feel very much like a man, very desirable.” “She gives off sexy vibes.” “I’ve never felt so lusted after, so cared for.”
I asked Joanna herself. “You know, it never used to be this way,” she told me. “I was always the plain Jane and never had many dates. On the rare occasion when I actually went to bed with a man, I didn’t know what to do. Then I met a man who treated me like a sex goddess. He acted as if I were the most desirable woman in the world, as if one look from me could drive him wild with desire. In bed, he taught me a lot about both our bodies – how they move, what they feel, how beautiful they are – and I grew to love my body for how it could make me feel instead of being embarrassed about its shortcomings. I learned to see the incredible beauty and sensuous strength in a man’s body, too. I began looking at myself in a different way; and men looked at me differently, too. I think they could feel my sexy thoughts and wanted to be part of them. My wonderful man and I parted about a year later, but the erotic feelings he brought to life remained alive. I’m sure that’s why men find me desirable—because I think I am. I feel I am.”
This seemed logical, but far too simple. In order to be sexy, all you had to do was feel sexy? To become a great lover, you only had to believe that you already were one? What about technique? What about having a luscious body? What about knowing all the most exciting sex tricks? What about vast experience with sexually knowledgeable men? Was “sex appeal” really all in your head?
I decided to try it out for myself. While out walking one day, I silently indulged in one of my favorite fantasies. I imagined that the gorgeous man who lived around the corner was making wild, abandoned love to me. I could “feel” his hot breath and fervent caresses as he whispered impassioned endearments in my ear, telling me how beautiful and sexy I was and how much I turned him on. I imagined that, to him, I was the sexiest woman in the world.
Only half-aware of the real men I was passing in the street, I finally noticed that many of them smiled at me, winked, or at least looked at me with interest. I seemed to be wearing a secret, provocative smile these men found enticing.
I became slightly more sophisticated in my experimentation. Before going out for my man-enticing walks, I would spend some time reading erotic stories or ogling pictures of naked men. Sometimes I caressed myself lovingly and complimented myself on my beauty, smooth skin, sexy looks, and expert lovemaking technique. As if by magic, the ratio of interested men on the street increased. Guys in the office started making advances. I had more and more dates.
I knew I would eventually have to face the ultimate question. After I went to bed with one of these men, would he find me even more exciting? Or would he discover that my sexy vibes promised something I couldn’t deliver?
I had been dating a wonderful man named Michael for several weeks when I knew the big night had arrived. I prepared carefully. Before our date, I flattered and caressed myself. I read my favorite steamy scene from Lady Chatterley’s Lover. I got out my beefcake pictures and visualized doing all sorts of wicked things to these real-life hunks. I imagined them begging for more and telling me that I was the sexiest creature on two feet.
By the time Michael came to pick me up, I was so excited I could hardly keep my hands off him. But I restrained myself because I wanted to draw things out for the whole evening. I could tell that Michael felt the sexual tension, and I noticed with delight that his tweed trousers seemed to be developing a new bulge. I felt sexier and sexier.
When we finally stepped inside Michael’s apartment, we practically ripped the clothes off each other’s bodies. I found myself saying and doing things I’d never done before—wonderfully provocative, lusty, lewd things. They just came naturally. And Michael was like a caged animal, panting and circling me, burning with desire. We fondled and kissed each other for hours and then frantically made love in the bed, on the floor, and finally in the shower. Michael said it was the most unbelievable sex of his life; he had never before felt so turned on. And neither had I. My sexual experiment had worked!
That’s how I learned the first “Secret of Great Sex.”
s e c r e t # 1 :
Feel sexy and you will be sexy.
No kidding. Try it and see. Many great philosophers have said that you are what you think you are. And it certainly holds true for sexiness. Even if you’re not gorgeous, or slender, or voluptuous – even if you’re not feeling particularly sexy at the moment. Just conjure up your own sexy self-image. Pretty soon you’ll feel sexy and therefore be sexy. Send out warm, sensuous vibes a man can’t help but pick up and he won’t even realize you’re a little too short or too broad or too fat or too skinny; he’ll see you as his own personal sex goddess. And in your sexy mood, you’ll just naturally do and say wonderfully titillating things. Your touch will be electric. Just the way you glance at his derriere will make his temperature – and other things—rise.
Great sex does not begin with your body or your vagina. Great sex begins in your head!
In the following chapters, I will share with you many specific physical techniques for driving a man wild in bed, but they can be truly effective only if you first lay the groundwork by creating a sexy new you. That’s what these five secrets of great sex are all about – making yourself into an irresistible sex goddess.
s e c r e t # 2 :
Radiate sexual confidence.
Closely related to Secret #1, the second rule of great sex also springs from a positive and sexy self-image. Again it begins in your head.
Usually, the most attractive thing about a person is his or her self-confidence. Even a beautiful woman will not be more than fleetingly attractive to a man if she is afraid to talk to him, can’t meet his eyes, or slouches along embarrassed by or frightened of her own assets. Her actions and words are clear signals that she isn’t worth knowing – because she doesn’t think she is. But a confident woman—even if she has, heaven forbid, faults—is magnetically attractive to everyone.
Whenever I ask a man to recall the one trait that made the sexiest woman he ever knew so alluring, invariably he tells me it was her self-confidence. “She carried herself with such assurance.” “Liz knew she was hot and you could see it in every move she made.” “It’s so refreshing not to have to overcome a woman’s fears and self-doubts.” “Chris is not conventionally beautiful, but sexual electricity crackles all around her. Her self-confidence is very erotic.”
So forget about that extra inch of cushioning around your hips. If you think your breasts are too small, try feeling proud of them because they’re oh so sensitive to the touch or because your nipples are provocatively pink. I once told a lover that I thought my breasts were too small and I was considering breast enlargement surgery. He immediately cried out, “You mean those sexy, cute little titties that light on fire so good? Oh no! Please leave them the way they are!” And then he hurried me home so he could suck on them for the next two hours. Now I know that the way my sexy little tits “light on fire so good” is one of the greatest turn-ons I can offer a man; and I’m proud and happy to let him enjoy this tasty pleasure.
Get to know and love every inch of your body and mind for the unforgettably sexy woman they make up. If you believe you are the answer to a man’s erotic dreams, he’ll believe it, too. If you carry yourself with confidence, knowing you’re the most interesting and alluring vamp in town, men will be drawn to you like a magnet. And once you’re between the sheets, if you are secure in the knowledge that you can drive him really wild in bed, you will!
s e c r e t # 3 :
Concentrate on him.