© 2014 by Deanna M. Roberts
ISBN 9781456621902
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, copied, stored, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, photographic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or in any information storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission of the author or publisher, except where permitted by copyright law.
You want them back and your first instinct will be to tell them that. Resist! You need to institute a no contact policy for at least three to four weeks. If they contact you, naturally, you want to talk to them and that is okay. If they contact you, do not gush about missing them or begging to go back together, just play it cool. Ask how they have been and make small talk.
Patience, remember! If they contact you first, it makes things so much easier and often, during this no contact period, they just might.
When you give them space, it gives you both time to digest the break up. It allows for the bad feelings to even out, and for anger to ebb away. They hurt you, you hurt them, and no relationship can ever be re-kindled when there are still embers of anger and resentment burning. You need to give them space to let go of their negative emotions.
Giving them space also prevents you from blowing your chances of seducing them back into your life by being needy. It cannot be stressed enough that being needy is never a good thing and when you want to get your ex back, it can be a huge problem.
To you, they are your other half and you are trying to convince them to come back, but to them, you are clinging and they do not want to go down that dark road of neediness and jealousy again. This period of no contact is for their benefit and for yours.
Another reason to give them space is because they will begin to miss you. If you keep contacting them, they will not have any time to really miss you but if you cut all contact, they will find that their mind keeps wandering back to you and the relationship.
Perhaps they expected you to cry and take it badly or that you might beg them to come back. When you do none of these things, they begin to think that they underestimated you and that perhaps they should not have even broke up with you.
We value things much more after they are gone from our lives. Taking yourself out of their life gives them time to dwell on the break up and the relationship and they will begin to realize that they valued it and miss it.
Seduction is partially a power play, and by giving them time, you are actually putting the power into your own hands.
Getting through this period of no contact is sometimes hard. This is where many people end up failing because they let a week go by and they feel that one week is enough. It is not. If you want to keep the balance of power shifted in your favor, you have to go a minimum of three weeks without initiating contact with them. So, how can you go about that?
You must understand that your relationship with them is over. It has ended. You are not trying to salvage that same relationship; it is gone so stop thinking as if it is not over. You want to seduce them and start a new relationship. Let go of that dead relationship.
Until you admit to yourself that it is over, you will not be able to succeed. If you cannot let go of the relationship, you will always be pulled back into your past and that means that you are not future focused. You need to focus on your future, on getting your ex back and forging a new relationship.
Now, it is time to start being single. This will help you get your ex out of your mind and out of your life for the time being. Do not worry, this is not permanent, just for the no contact period but these are steps that will help you get through this time without breaking down and calling or texting them.
Pull out your cell phone and write down their number, his address, etc. Whatever ways you have of contacting your ex, write it all down on a piece of paper and then put it in an envelope and seal it. Label the envelope with their name and then put it somewhere where you will not forget about it but where it is not where you can see it daily.
Now, delete them from your phone and email. Delete them as a phone contact and from your email address book. You will not be able to give into the urge to pull out your phone and contact them. You can keep them on social media, but only if you can restrain yourself from checking their pages. If you cannot stop yourself from checking their pages, you need to unfriend them or unfollow them to keep you from constantly checking their page.
If you have pictures of the two of you up, take them down. If you have things that remind you of them, such as gifts that came from them and you associate with them, put them all in a box. You are getting rid of all of the things that will make you melancholy. Just store the box in storage, in your attic, your garage, or in the back of a closet but do not look into it. If you cannot resist opening the box, give it to a family member to hold onto.
The above steps will help you greatly when it comes to getting through the next three to four weeks of no contact.
As much as you want your ex back, you need to spend some time focusing on you. What do you think your ex will value more, you falling over yourself trying to please them or you going on with your life, holding yourself together and acting like an adult?
When you focus on you, you are playing hard to get, which means that you value yourself above all else. When you carry on about getting them back or about the ended relationship, it is not mature behavior.
Relationships are mature things, if you act immaturely after the breakup, it reflects badly on you. If you act as if you are hurt but going on with things, accepting the break up and moving forward, it shows maturity.
Maturity is a must for any relationship. You want to seduce your ex and win them back by showing them how you have grown as person and that the things you did not offer in the relationship before, you are ready to offer now. You will be showing that you have value.
Playing hard to get means you value yourself. It also makes your ex value you more. They might have expected you to pull some sort of hysterical antics about getting back together and when you do not do it, they will be pleasantly surprised. This is always a way to test the waters to see if they are interested in getting back together. The only way to win your ex back is through gentle seduction, not an all-out assault.