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This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

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Epub ISBN 9780753518380

www.randomhouse.co.uk

Published by Virgin Books 2009
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Copyright © Myleene Klass 2008

Myleene Klass has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

First published in Great Britain in 2008 by Virgin Books
Random House, 20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London SW1V 2SA

www.virginbooks.com
www.rbooks.co.uk

Addresses for companies within The Random House Group Limited can be found at: www.randomhouse.co.uk/offices.htm

The Random House Group Limited Reg. No. 954009

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9780753515563

All photographs courtesy of Myleene Klass/Stuart White unless otherwise stated

Contents

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Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Introduction

Weeks 1 & 2: The Jungle Weeks – My Body Prepared to Make a Baby

Week 3: The Week in Which Our Baby Was Conceived

Week 4: The Week When I Got My ‘Period’

Week 5: The Week the Hormones Kicked in and I Started to Question My Sanity

Week 6: The Week I Discovered I Wasn’t Mad – I Was Pregnant

Week 7: The Week I Realised I Had Done Everything Wrong

Week 8: The Week I Broke the News to My GP – and There Were More Tears

Week 9: The Week I Covered a Market in Regurgitated Mango

Week 10: The Week I Panicked at the Airport

Week 11: The Week I Snapped at Angus Deayton

Week 12: The Week Rice Became Real

Week 13: The Week People Started Hinting I Was Getting Fat

Week 14: The Week I Fell Over in Boots

Week 15: The Week I Discovered I Was Craving the Wrong Things

Week 16: The Week I Felt Like I Was Dying

Week 17: The Week People Questioned Whether My Pregnancy Was an April Fool Joke

Week 18: The Week I Used a Made-up Word in Front of 200 Million People

Week 19: The Week Robert De Niro Stroked My Bump, Prompting Rice to Give a Kick

Week 20: The Week We Discovered Rice Was a Girl

Week 21: The Week I Wanted to Call My Daughter Vegas

Week 22: The Week Sex Went Off the Menu

Week 23: The Week When Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Matt Damon All Insisted on Touching My Bump and Talking Babies (Swoon)

Week 24: The Week I Posed Naked for a Magazine

Week 25: The Week We Decided We Had Better Move Nearer My Parents

Week 26: The Week My Doctor Told Me to Stop Eating So Many Doughnuts

Week 27: The Week We Upset a Monkey in Mauritius

Week 28: The Week There Were Tears Over a Changing Table

Week 29: The Week Questions Started Being Asked About Whether I Should Stop Work

Week 30: The Week I Realised I Had Become a Baby Bore

Week 31: The Week I Looked Like I Had Been in a Slasher Movie

Week 32: The Week I Was Desperate to Get a Glimpse of Rice

Week 33: The Week I Got Sick and Tired of ‘Breast Is Best’ Being Rammed down My Throat

Week 34: The Week We Had to Suddenly Move House

Week 35: The Week My Friends Showered Me with Love and Pink Things

Week 36: The Week I Started Panicking About Being a Mummy

Week 36+6 days: The Day Ava Bailey Quinn Decided She Wanted to Come out While Her Mummy Was on Live Television

The Week We Started Our New Life

Epilogue

Picture Section

Glossary

Index

My Recommendations

Thank yous

Copyright

To yummy mummies everywhere: you are all goddesses in my eyes. To my own mum for the compassion and love she taught and gave me. And to my baby girl, Ava. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama. The second I held you, my heart was yours.

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Introduction

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I always imagined the day I would tell my beloved we were expecting our first child. There would be a romantic dinner. We would have been laughing all night. We would be looking at each other lovingly. Then I would calmly present him with a pair of Manchester United bootees as I told him, ‘We’re having a baby, darling.’

Fast-forward to January 2007 and my fiancé Gray and I had spent another night arguing. We had hardly seen each other since I had come out of the I’m A Celebrity jungle and our New Year’s holiday had been hijacked by both our families. As well as being rushed off my feet with work I felt constantly sick and teary. I was in such a perpetual bad mood that Gray was calling me a witch.

It was close to midnight and I was exhausted. My boobs were hurting like mad and I couldn’t work out why I was feeling so strange. I can’t say how or why – and really I should have spotted the symptoms some days before – but I suddenly realised what was wrong with me. I told Gray I needed a pregnancy test straightaway.

We hadn’t been trying for a baby and it was the last thing either of us ever expected.

But from that moment on I became a different person. I now had a baby inside me to look after – and I didn’t know how on earth to go about it.

I read lots of books but found them either too fluffy or too technical. Most of them terrified me. I wanted answers but all I got were lists of ‘don’t do this’ and ‘don’t do that’. All they made me realise was that I had supposedly done everything wrong.

None seemed to relate to how I was feeling. I was so sick, I was so tired, I was so teary. I felt so isolated and my pregnancy seemed so different to how I always saw it portrayed in the movies or in interviews with celebrities.

So if you are a woman who has become someone she can hardly recognise, who has cried over the nursery curtains being the wrong colour or because your partner forgot to put a kiss at the end of his text message, this book is for you. I want you to know that you are not alone.

This book tells the truth about pregnancy. The highs and the lows. And the tears, oh yes, the tears.

I used to consider myself a strong and resilient girl. I have got through plenty of heartache in my time and have happily jumped out of planes and been in other extreme situations. But being pregnant meant I would quiver at the slightest setback. I cried more in the nine months I was pregnant than I have in my entire lifetime.

Being pregnant made me panic over eating peanut butter and whether I could walk through airport security scanners.

I forgot the names of some of the most famous (and gorgeous) men in the world and made up words on live television because my memory got so bad.

I rowed with my beloved Gray (Graham Quinn), a security guard who has been my partner for the last six years, more times than I care to remember.

And at the end of my journey, as I became a mother, I realised that I would never go back to being the woman I once was.

As well as detailing exactly what I went through I have included facts about what is happening to you and your baby each week. I used to love reading these in books as it is amazing to think about the changes going on in your tummy every week.

I don’t, however, claim to be a doctor and this is not a very medical pregnancy book. I have written a list at the end of ones that I found useful for all those fears you are likely to get.

This diary is based on real diaries that Gray and I started keeping once we discovered I was pregnant. Gray saw things in such a different way from me that it was an eye-opener to read his entries. I feel guilty for the way I sometimes behaved towards him but I couldn’t control my hormones – they changed me so much I felt like I’d had a lobotomy.

So along with chapters about my pregnancy journey I have included his thoughts, hopes and comments too. Sometimes it is easy to forget that the daddy is going through pregnancy too – even if that just means being at the end of your foul moods and being pushed out of bed by your big tummy and snoring.

Pregnancy and becoming a mummy haven’t just made me appreciate Gray. They have made me realise how incredible my own mother is, and how amazing all my mummy friends are.

Once you fall pregnant you become part of a club. It’s a club where you stop putting yourself first – everything becomes about the baby, including the awe-inspiring changes your body goes through. It’s a club where you often struggle to cope. And it’s a club in which you learn just how much you can love another being.

If you are reading this because you are pregnant, welcome to the best club in the world. I hope this book makes you realise you are not alone in all your hormonal behaviour, ‘baby brain’ is a common affliction and the sheer worry that comes during your pregnancy is normal.

My pregnancy was an often emotional and sometimes difficult journey but the reward was the best thing I have ever known.

Myleene

PS The weekly sidebars in this book are based only on average measurements. All babies develop differently in the womb … so that’s one less thing to worry about!

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Weeks 1 & 2

The Jungle Weeks – My Body
Prepared to Make a Baby

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I have promised to tell you the truth about pregnancy so I will start with a confession: getting pregnant was an accident. A gorgeously happy accident.

When I decided to go into the Australian rainforest for I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! the idea of having a baby was, in fact, the last thing on my mind.

Although I have never wanted to be one of those women who say, ‘I’ll just see where my career takes me this year,’ only to find they are nearly fifty and unable to conceive, I was still only 28 and felt like I had some time left on the biological clock.

I also felt that, struggling as I was to look after myself, I wasn’t sure I was ready to be a mother just yet.

My partner Gray, however, was desperate to be a dad. He was a bit older – 33 – and lots of his friends had children and he was beginning to feel like he was missing out.

I had been using a contraceptive injection for years but came off it about a year before I went into the jungle to give my body a break. My periods still hadn’t regulated and, although we used protection occasionally, I was convinced there would not be much chance of me being fertile until everything was back in order.

I admit that I feel like a silly seventeen-year-old now when I think about how naïve we were being about contraception.

But in my defence, m’lord, a friend who had also been on the same injection took more than eighteen months to get pregnant and I have had so many friends who have had problems conceiving that I was sure I would have to wait another six months before I needed to even think about contraception.

I guess that buried deep in my mind was also the thought that if I were to fall pregnant it would not be the end of the world. Gray and I had been together for more than six years and were engaged to be married. Our plan had always been to start a family one day.

But we certainly were not expecting it to be on the day I came out of the jungle.

I had agreed to go on I’m A Celebrity after turning it down for three previous years. I knew that being on the show was either going to be the death knell of my career or mean that I was suddenly going to be a lot busier. I was doing it partly to test myself, partly to get a break from work and partly (yes, I know it’s a cliché) to show the public the ‘real’ me.

Up until I went into the jungle, I was still best known as the girl who had been in Hear’Say. Although I had been working as a classical musician, a DJ and a television presenter on CD:UK, I knew that in order to give my career a real kick-start I needed to do something mainstream like I’m A Celebrity.

So I guess I can’t blame anyone but myself that I became famous for having showers in my white bikini while on the show. In all honesty I never realised the producers were making such a big deal of my showers – after all, I wasn’t showering any more than the next person! I was much more proud of my DIY achievements like building the camp a table and a broomstick – but to my disappointment nobody made a fuss of those.

Still, I certainly can’t complain – going on the show has meant I’m now busier than I have ever been before. And, more importantly, it provided the perfect environment to prepare my body for pregnancy.

You won’t find jumping out of planes, showering with spiders, bathing with eels, not to mention ducking out of the way of celebrity rows, advised in most pregnancy manuals. But in a strange sort of way, being in the I’m A Celebrity jungle was the textbook environment for the pre-conception of my baby.

Advice for women wanting to get pregnant includes getting fit, detoxing, eating healthily and trying to stay relaxed. And in the rainforest, the hikes, the physical activities, the meagre alcohol allowance and the protein-orientated meals meant that I was in the best physical condition of my life. I was away from all the stresses of modern-day living, so was feeling more relaxed and liberated than I had ever done before. And I was well rested because I was sleeping when it got dark.

I adored living at one with nature – even the spiders and bugs didn’t bother me – but I wasn’t to know nature was planning a little surprise for me.


What’s happening to your body – Weeks 1 and 2

The forty weeks of pregnancy are dated from two weeks before your baby has actually been conceived. The first day is the start of your period when the lining of your womb is shed, giving it a ‘spring-clean’ in preparation for the arrival of a fertilised egg. Ovulation normally occurs on the last day of the second week when one (or occasionally more) of the eggs you were born with is released into the Fallopian tube in preparation for fertilisation. You can often tell you are ovulating as your body produces extra vaginal mucus.


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Week 3

The Week in Which Our Baby
Was Conceived

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Gray and I had just one hour to spend together from the time I left the jungle before I had to start work again and we were determined to use it properly.

I was busy getting showered and putting my make-up on ahead of having to do a round of interviews and photoshoots when Gray followed me into the bathroom. There were dozens of journalists, television executives and press officers milling about nearby but, as it had been almost two months since we had any time together, we decided to seize our moment.

Gray was not even supposed to be in Australia as he was due to be working on a band’s tour. I was devastated because I had missed him so much and was very emotional when I left the jungle thinking he was not going to be there.

But then, when all the filming was finished and I crossed that famous bridge, I saw him. It was a proper Mills & Boon moment. We went running into each other’s arms and Gray told me how much he had missed me and how he wanted us to get our act together and get married.

We first met when Gray was working as a bodyguard for Hear’Say. We did not get a great impression of each other to begin with – I thought he was really rude while he was annoyed that I had once stolen his dinner. But when he joined the band on our tour I became impressed at the way he was so different to all the other ‘yes men’ around us. He was refreshing because he wasn’t afraid to tell us when we were being out of order.

Every evening, it was Gray’s job to drop off all the stuff we had left in our dressing room into our bedrooms. We would often have a good chat and I began to realise that I had romantic feelings for him – and I was sure that he felt the same way. So one night, as he was about to leave the room, I went to give him a kiss.

It was a disaster. He moved his head away and said, ‘I can’t do this,’ and walked out, leaving my heart on the floor. I was absolutely mortified.

We ignored each other all the next day – I was too upset to even look him in the eye – but that evening when he came to my room we had a heart-to-heart. He said he did have strong feelings for me but was worried that he would look unprofessional. He then said the sweetest thing: ‘I want the fairy tale,’ he told me. ‘I don’t want this to be just a fling.’ We have been together ever since.

Although my friends have always teased us about being ‘the perfect couple’, you won’t have to read far into this book to see that, like any couple, we are far from it. But we have been through a lot together – and that has made us stronger.


My tip You can get ovulation sticks, you can measure your basal temperature and you can do a dozen other things to make sure that it is the ‘right time’ to conceive a baby. But sometimes things cannot be planned to precision, and sometimes accidents happen.


Two years ago Gray asked me to be his wife on an amazing surprise trip to Rome. Although the day he had planned had gone disastrously – I broke his treasured £500 motorcycle helmet, we got lost in the pouring rain and ran out of petrol, we were exhausted and ratty, I thought the scroll he gave me with a poem in it was a Toblerone bar! – it was also the most romantic thing to ever happen to me.

As Catholics we always meant to marry before having children and our parents had been bugging us about it for years. But our lives always seemed too busy to organise a wedding.

And following my stint in the jungle, and our little reunion afterwards, things were about to get a lot busier.

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What’s happening to your body – Week 3

As your egg is pushed slowly down your abdominal cavity towards your Fallopian tube by finger-like projections called fimbria, millions of sperm are swimming upwards in an attempt to be the one to fertilise it. The sperm release an enzyme that allows only one to penetrate the tough outer membrane of the egg, which then closes up. The lucky sperm carries on swimming through the egg – itself the size of a pinhead yet a hundred times bigger than the sperm – until it reaches the nucleus and the two fuse to form one cell. The sex of your baby depends on which chromosome the sperm is carrying: an X for a girl and a Y for a boy. The embryo then moves along the Fallopian tube into the uterine cavity.


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Week 4

The Week When I
Got My ‘Period’

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I had a period just before the show started, I got another one while I was in the jungle and then I had what I thought was a third a week or so after I came out.

I was used to my periods being irregular since I had come off my contraception, but this seemed mad as that meant I’d had three periods in the space of about six weeks.

The final one seemed very light – but I thought that was only down to the fact that the one in the jungle had been very heavy. I certainly felt pre-menstrual enough – but as the days went on my normal PMT got worse not better. In fact, I’d categorise those early days as being like having PMT times a hundred.

Of course, now I know that it was not a period at all – but was an early sign of pregnancy.

Around the same time I also had a medical and urine test before I started doing The People’s Quiz. They told me one of the many things they would be able to tell was whether I was pregnant, though they didn’t actually test for this and so I never found out at this stage.

I thought I had better include this information as it will help to explain why I ignored all my glaringly obvious pregnancy symptoms which had already started.


My tip Bleeding can be common in early pregnancy, especially around the time your period is due. If you have lots of pregnancy symptoms but still had some bleeding it might be worth getting yourself a test. If you are worried about bleeding in pregnancy make sure you speak to your doctor.


What’s happening to your body – Week 4

You: For most women the first sign that you are pregnant is that either you have no menstrual period at all or only a very light spotting. Many of the things you normally experience before a period continue – as your breasts become more sensitive and your tummy bloated – but your body already knows it is pregnant and starts producing a hormone called hCG (human chorionic gonadotrophin). HCG is the hormone detected in pregnancy tests, which will start showing up positive around the date your period is due.

Your baby: The apple-pip-sized structure growing inside you – known as a blastocyst – is a ball of cells which will divide and develop into your baby, the placenta and the umbilical cord. It normally implants in the uterus between nine and twelve days after conception.


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Week 5

The Week the Hormones
Kicked in and I Started to
Question My Sanity

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I was convinced that Gray no longer loved me. I felt constantly sick and was arguing with everyone. My boobs felt sore, I couldn’t stop crying and my face had broken out in spots. I had a raging appetite and I was exhausted. But I hadn’t worked out I was pregnant – instead I and everyone around me began to question whether I was going nuts.

Hardest of all were the constant rows that started between me and Gray. They were nightly and they were horrible. We have never been a couple who really row with each other – one of us always calms things down – but now we were having screaming arguments over the most ridiculous things. It was like we hated each other.

One debate that went on and on was after the I’m A Celebrity wrap party when Gray decided to invite some of the people he met while I was in the jungle, plus a whole lot of strangers, back to our house for a party. I was exhausted and feeling ill and we started arguing when I said I didn’t want everyone coming back to ours. The bickering continued in the car home in front of my cousin. ‘Why did you have to invite so many people back … Why are you such a killjoy … I wouldn’t have minded a few people … Yes, as long as they were people you wanted … You’re so selfish … You’re a moody cow …’ And while my cousin went to bed, we went on at each other until the early hours of the morning. The row continued for days.

But that was not the only thing we fought over. It was always the pettiest of things – like if Gray didn’t answer one of my texts all day or if I was working late and he ate dinner without me. I genuinely thought Gray had turned into the Antichrist.

Things came to a crux around New Year when we were due to have our families over. Just before our party started we had another tearful row. I remember telling Gray: ‘I don’t even know why we are having everyone around. There’s no point – we’re not talking to each other and you are just being miserable all the time.’

We tried to hide our problems at the party but everyone noticed something was wrong. Gray’s sister Lisa pulled me into the wardrobe and said, ‘What’s wrong with you and Gray? Don’t you love him any more?’ My heart was racing and the tears came to my eyes. ‘Of course I love him,’ I sobbed. ‘But I don’t think he loves me.’

After they left, Gray’s mother rang and said: ‘I’ve never seen you like this, what’s wrong with you and Gray? You two are normally the picture of young love.’ Everybody could see there was something wrong and that we were as close to breaking up as we have ever, ever been.

And it wasn’t just Gray. I was having horrible rows with my manager Jonathan Shalit. Someone at his office who worked closely with me had moved departments while I was away and I had taken it personally – to the extent that I was crying over it every day.

There was one afternoon when he had decided to take our argument out of the office – only for me to burst out crying on the street. While I was sobbing, tears running down my face, someone came up and asked for an autograph. I signed it and carried on my tearful discussion with Jonathan. Then someone else came up and asked for an autograph, which I signed in between dabbing my mascara-soaked eyes.


My tip For most people theq most obvious sign they are pregnant is when their period fails to show up. But, as in my case and for many others, sometimes you can get some spotting, which can confuse you. Other signs of early pregnancy include the following – you may have some, you may have them all (you poor thing) or you may have none at all:

Changeable moods

Sore/AGONISING boobs

Feeling sick / being sick

Feeling light-headed

Needing to go to the toilet a lot

Having a heightened sense of smell

Craving certain foods

Having a metallic taste in your mouth

Being exhausted – yet having trouble sleeping


Concerned about my tears – and the fact that my blotchy face might not be the best look – Jonathan said to me, ‘You’ve got to get in the car,’ and that just started me off in more hysterics. ‘That’s just the sort of thing you would say,’ I wailed at my increasingly bemused manager.

Jonathan and Gray had started to talk about what to do with me – they did not know what was wrong.

Nor did I. Part of me blamed Gray and his attitude towards me. I thought that while I was away he had reassessed everything and did not love me any more.

But I also knew that I had changed and the only thing I could put it down to was being in the rainforest. I thought – oh, the irony! – I had become so in tune with nature that I couldn’t cope with the modern world.

As well as being constantly upset, I had become like a sniffer dog with smells – although most of them made me feel nauseous. I put it down to the fact that I’d had such a huge detox that my cleansed system could no longer cope with synthetic aromas. I was craving fruit and meat and in my somewhat warped reasoning this all made sense – I only wanted natural things!

I thought I had suddenly developed motion sickness because I was no longer attuned to moving about so fast when everything had been so relaxed. And I thought that my boobs were sore because I had put so much weight back on since coming out of the jungle. Looking back on it now, it is amazing I did not realise I was pregnant, but actually the idea of it was the furthest thing from my mind.

I was more concerned about whether Gray and I would last the course.


What’s happening to your body – Week 5

You: As the level of hCG being produced by your embryo begins doubling every day, pregnancy symptoms will kick in now and it is already time for you to start looking after yourself and getting lots of extra sleep.

Your baby: By the end of this week the embryo in your tummy – which is now one structure that looks a bit like a tadpole and measures about the same size as a grain of rice (5mm) – already has a beating heart, kidneys, a liver and even little buds which will form its arms and legs.


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Week 6

The Week I Discovered I
Wasn’t Mad – I Was Pregnant

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We had been fighting all evening and were exhausted. We both knew that what we really needed was a heart-to-heart but, instead, all we seemed capable of was tearing each other apart. I was terrified that if I asked Gray straight out what was really wrong he would tell me something I was dreading hearing: that he didn’t love me any more. I was so sad that we seemed to have lost our wonderful relationship.

It was nearly 11 p.m. and I was lying slumped out on the sofa when suddenly I had what I can only describe as a cartoon ‘light bulb’ moment!

Feeling a little light-headed, I said to Gray, ‘Go and get me a pregnancy test.’

‘I’ll go and get you one tomorrow,’ he replied bitterly, convinced that I was just trying to get him out of the house.

‘You know I can’t be seen getting one, please go and get me one NOW,’ I begged him.

With that, he turned on his heel and slammed the door.

While he was out, the thoughts started whizzing through my head and I just knew that I was pregnant. Things that had seemed so confusing suddenly made sense – the fact that I was so emotional, that my boobs were hurting like hell (other books may say ‘a little tender’ but all I know is that mine felt like they were on fire), that I felt so ill and exhausted.

This wasn’t what pregnancy was like in the movies but, all the same, it was the only way to explain why I had changed so much.

I thought of every fight Gray and I had had, everything we’d put ourselves through, how we had come close to splitting up and now, at last, I had a reason why – I was pregnant.

It seemed like an age until Gray returned with the pregnancy test, which he had hidden between the pages of a magazine after spotting someone he knew.

I took it from him and went into the bathroom – but we had another argument because I wanted to do it alone and he wouldn’t get out of the room. ‘Fine, then,’ I stormed. ‘Stay there.’

So I sat on the toilet and did the test and within seconds the blue line had come up. I was stunned – I was right. I looked at Gray, who was sitting in the doorway, and I had a hot flush.

‘Well?’ he said. I asked him to give me two minutes and he folded his arms and refused, saying, ‘No, I’m part of this too.’

‘You’re going to be a daddy,’ I told him as the tears welled up in my eyes.

We were both gobsmacked. Gray slumped to the floor looking dazed and then jumped up, shouted, ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ and gave me a big hug, the best one we had had for weeks. Just to make sure it was no mistake, we did another test.

We then talked and talked and talked. We sat on the sofa with the lights off and the two positive pregnancy tests in front of us and we discussed everything that had happened. We backtracked on all the arguments we’d had. We talked rationally to one another for the first time in weeks and we apologised to each other for everything we had said.


My tip .