The authors portray our archetypal fears as an intrinsic part of the human condition. They present it in a completely new, clearly structured format. The basic fears of any human being are an indispensable part of his soul structure. They are fixated during infancy according to clearly definable rules. Out of seven archetypal fears, the soul selects two to deal with in each single incarnation. Over the course of many lives and in always new variations, they contribute to the spiritual growth and meaningfulness of human existence. Conversely, a surplus of fear can be reduced by insight and understanding or with therapeutic assistance. Theoretical discussions and practical notes of advice complete this novel philosophy of the soul.
Dr. Varda B. Hasselmann was born in Germany in 1946 and grew up in Italy. She followed a career as a lecturer of medieval languages and literature at the University of Göttingen. To her own amazement, in 1983 she discovered her unusual mediumistic talent, which she combines with her competence in humanistic sciences. Her husband Frank Schmolke, born in 1944, studied English and German literature. He is the intellectual mentor and motor of their lifelong cooperation. They published numerous works on the wisdom of the human soul. Their organization SEPTANA® offers an extensive seminar program on the subject. Their book Archetypes of the Soul® is available in English from amazon.com.
Varda is also the author of two well-known novels and a collection of short stories.
Fear is a fascinating phenomenon. It is inseparable from being alive. It is necessary for growth. Fear is a most useful tool provided by existence when skillfully employed.
This is the perspective we would like to convey to our readers. People, although being sensitive to the fears of others, often avoid looking at their own fears for very comprehensible reasons. Yet we consider it extremely rewarding to do just that – with curiosity and interest but without judgment. It is consoling to assume that each one of us shares their archetypal fears with millions and millions of other people. They form part of the human condition.
With this volume on the seven archetypal fears of human beings we intend to provide new ways of perception. Archetypal fears, according to our Source’s soul teaching, are a requisite part of any soul structure. They are chosen out of necessity before incarnation and fixated in earthly reality during infancy. The individual fear structure henceforth crucially determines the path of experience and the development of every single character. Nobody, as long as they live, can do without their archetypal fears. But our soul chooses which combination of two out of seven it wants to explore in a single life. To deal with all seven of them simultaneously would be overwhelming.
So we are focusing our reader’s gaze firmly on the Seven Archetypes of Fear, to make basic human anxieties and their stereotyped modus operandi more transparent. Once we have learned to observe the tactics that fears operate in ourselves and others, we create an inner distance. Only then can we understand, tolerate and laugh. Cognitive distance is an important premise to respond and act in a new, different way and with more freedom of decision towards many aspects of life.
Based on this theory, these are the Seven Archetypes of Fear: fear of inadequacy, joyfulness, worthlessness, unpredictability, privation and omission. In each new life, the soul selects two of these seven to formulate its Basic Fear. By learning to deal with them in any way a person chooses, his soul grows. The specific composition of fears is not readily discernible. But once their peculiarities are understood, it will be quite easy to recognize them. They each cultivate two ugly masks that are perceptible in the behavior of a human being. We call these the Primary Symptom and Secondary Symptom of Fear.
The concept of »symptom« means: It characterizes the specific fear. But that mask constitutes only the surface. The actual fear lies concealed behind it. There are seven distinct masks: Self-deprecation, Self-sabotage, Martyrdom, Stubbornness, Greed, Arrogance and Impatience. These are easy to recognize. Some of them conform to one of the seven vices of antiquity or the seven deadly sins of Christianity.
The Symptom of Arrogance, for example, is easily detectable in a person’s haughty, vain, disdaining or proud attitude. Hidden behind this, however, is a deep fear of vulnerability. This fear of being injured or slighted in any way, determines the life, the convictions, the impact and the existential learning process of arrogant persons. It makes them oversensitive to the most innocuous forms of criticism; they feel insulted, derided, they become offensive themselves, and need to feel high above others – more intelligent, beautiful, gifted, precious; they are condescending and revengeful. Combined with a Secondary Symptom like Stubbornness, they will insist on being always superior and right and will never change. Combined with Greed, however, they will never get enough of admiration, compliments, praise, applause, approval – they are simply the best. But underneath all those airs they feel poor and small and skinless like a newborn mouse.
The fear structure of human beings is comparable to a tree. The Basic Fear – that combination of two archetypal fears, active in all humans – constitutes its roots. »Root« has a double sense: first of all, it is invisible. Accordingly, most people are unaware of their Basic Fear, as it is hidden in the depth of the subconscious. It is the essential objective of this book to raise a new awareness of it. The text will provide spade and torch for unearthing and exploring it; using them you’ll find a treasure.
Secondly, that root nourishes the whole fear tree. This means that there are many big visible branches and plenty of smaller fear twigs that seem innocuous and unimportant. There are blossoms and fruits, too. People deal more or less well with them and do not take them too seriously, but are not basically determined by them in an essential way. The Basic Fear marked by the combination of any two archetypal fears feeds the many small individual fears. Small fear twigs can be cut off. Often they are just a nuisance and can be treated successfully by insight or psychotherapy, whereas the roots and large br anches of the big fear tree will never be eliminated. First, they are what we call »our character« or »our personality«. No one really wants to part with them, as we are inseparably identified with their characteristics. They are absolutely necessary to make our life significant and to provide occasions for learning. Humans learn by opposites.
Our book Archetypes of the Soul (Munich 1993, available in English translation), based on teachings by »The Source«, an entity from the causal plane of consciousness, illustrates the entire soul structure (Matrix) with its seven elements: Soul Role, Basic Fear (= Primary and Secondary Symptom of Fear), Goal of Development, Mode, Mentality, Centering and Soul Age.
In The Seven Archetypes of Fear, we now resume and further explain the partial aspect of human fears. We are aware that in the more than twenty years since the publication of Archetypes of the Soul, we learned much by discussing with and applying the system to many thousands of clients. Thus we acquired a new and deeper understanding of many issues. As a result, you will find certain contradictions or alterations in small details compared to earlier statements. Our mediumistic work is an organically growing research project which requires being open to corrections on the way. The work on hand represents our present level of knowledge. We do not believe in absolute truth. Varda as a trance medium transposes pure energy into words and meaning. Reading the chapters of this book you will notice that the message is clear enough. Its non-oracular wording needs understanding, not interpretation. We assure you that the text here presented is given to you exactly as it was given to us, with minimal stylistic alterations.
This book is divided into three sections. The first section introduces the seven archetypal fears, each with three of the most frequent sub-types. It includes a discussion of the typical physical features and complaints specific to each sub-type, as well as concrete suggestions for the psychological treatment of each subtype. We have selected succinct names for the sub-types, which are commonly used in colloquial speech. Some of the names are taken from the famous Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm (Germany) or Hans Christian Andersen (Denmark). Most of you will know them from childhood. These designations make them illustrative, immediately conjuring up an associative image. They help to quickly understand and communicate on the various types. Everybody knows what is meant by a Have-not, a Busy Lizzie, a Spoilsport, an Avenger Angel, a Miser, a Valiant Little Tailor or a Kindly Soul and so on. In our numerous seminars, the names prove not to be offensive. They are quite happily adopted even by the individuals affected, provided their interest in investigating their own fears is sincere.
So the Basic Fear of every human is constituted by two archetypal fears, the Primary Symptom and the Secondary Symptom of Fear. It is only this combination that creates a special dynamic and thus becomes a prerequisite for the existential human learning process. In the second part of this volume, we outline all 42 possible variants of the Basic Fear, that is, the various combinations of Primary and Secondary Symptoms, each with suggestions for gradually reducing the fear level. Once someone has identified his or her Primary Fear Symptom (ask your relatives and friends!), the description of these combinations can help identify which could be your Secondary Symptom of Fear.
The third section answers further questions on the Seven Archetypes of Fear and related topics. This discussion among members of our research group, twenty psychotherapists and psychiatrists who were present during the many channeling sessions and the entire genesis of the book, is designed to deepen the understanding of human fears. Their thoughtful and practical questions represent an initial effort to investigate partial aspects of this gigantic topic in more detail. We invite our readers to continue this kind of research.
In our view, founded on the theoretical assumption of an individual Soul Pattern Matrix), archetypal fears and experiencing them are essential to human development, the objective here being the evolution of the capacity for love of an incarnate soul across many corporeal existences. Human beings need a pulsation and oscillation between love and fear to be able to learn. In this sense, fear should be understood as a »contrast agent« to love, which every soul deeply longs for. Without consciously or unconsciously dealing with the Archetypes of Fear, however, the longing for love cannot develop. This is where, in our opinion, the central importance of fear lies for human beings. The Seven Archetypes of Fear as components of experience in any human life are indispensable for our spiritual and emotional learning process.
Now if the Archetypes of Fear are part of the incarnation plan and the Soul Matrix of all human beings, should one attempt to influence them? And if they are existentially significant in this sense, that is, essential in order to learn to live and love, what purpose can this book serve?
To understand the dynamics of the basic fear, a distinction should be made between necessary and redundant aspects. Fear itself, being an Archetype of the Soul, is necessary as an engine of human development. Redundant, however, are many of its superficial manifestations, the automatism of fear reactions, their too distressing, segregating and exaggerated aspects. The necessary part must remain, but everything superfluous can be diminished, positively transformed or treated therapeutically. In fact, only that amount of fear which is unnecessary for our spiritual and emotional learning process can be reduced at all.
Let us give an example: Someone – be it man or woman – with a basic fear of Stubbornness plus Martyrdom, will time and again experience situations in which he or she will respond with almost stereotyped reactions to his unutterable fear of the unpredictable and his panic of being deserted in the end, which is subconsciously connected with his imaginary lack of worth and his victim role. If they become aware of this mechanism and observe it diligently without fighting it or wanting to get rid of it, they will evolve and grow. They can’t change anything about having this Basic Fear; that’s part of their form of existence and their character. But emotional maturation processes, therapeutic interventions, an incontrovertible discovery of inner correlations or even the true patient and observant love of a fellow human will change the way they deal with this Basic Fear. They will learn to recognize their terror of being forsaken as just a fear and to distinguish it from reality. They will be able to look with humor and understanding at his recurrent feeling of being a helpless victim of circumstances or of people. They learn to lovingly see through their usual behavior patterns instead of regarding them in dead earnest as the only ones possible. What they gain from this process is something new: the freedom to react differently than usual. Their fear tree will be pruned, but the root and trunk still remain.
Self-recognition mitigates the rougher shapes and ramifications of fear. He who can observe himself gains freedom, and this book provides a modern tool for it. Our »Source« never threatens with punishment, judgment or damnation and never offers false promises. Someone knowing about the existence of the Archetypes of Fear will accept both himself and his fellow men with more understanding. It is also very enlightening to be able to distinguish apparent strengths as »false virtues« spawned by fear. For example, those »much too good for this world«, overly modest or selfless, often act out of Self-deprecation or Martyrdom, while those who are extremely efficient and audacious will be spurred by Impatience. Yet the most resolute people are also the most obstinate and stubborn, afraid of change.
The portrayal of the Seven Archetypes of Fear addresses all those who would like to experience their personality and their true being more thoroughly. People who wish to embrace the immortal soul as an essential aspect of humanness in their conception of the world or in their efforts to support others in whatever healing capacity, will start to distinguish it from the mortal psyche. Fear makes sense! Dealing with the Archetypes of Fear gives meaning to human life. With patient observation and broader consciousness, the widely ramified and distressing manifestations of those fears unnecessary for inner growth become gradually mitigated because they are more distinct. And zest for life will automatically take its place, just like a green meadow emerges when the snow is melting in March.
This intense new joy of life is felt much more strongly than if it had been there always. When your inner snow starts melting, you experience the first rays of sunshine more gratefully than those people who have always dwelt on the isles of eternal Spring.
We wish for readers who are prepared to query the quality of this information unbiased, and to vet it for its worth and significance. It conveys very practical knowledge. In our seminars, we have been graced to witness how deeply upsetting, but also how liberating it can be to recognize one’s subconscious fear pattern. Those approaching these novel teachings of the soul with interest, openness and readiness for self-perception have greatly benefited from them. Being more tolerant of themselves and their fellow beings takes no effort. To know that all humans experience fear and act accordingly generates love and understanding.
Further information about the Soul Matrix and the Archetypes is available from our works published in German by Goldmann Verlag (Random House):
Worlds of the Soul (1993), Archetypes of the Soul (also in English, 1993), Wisdom of the Soul (1995), The Soul of the Papaya (novel, 1999), The Soul Family (2001), Paths of the Soul (2002), Soul Elixirs (2006), False Virtues (tales and stories, 2013).
For more details, visit www.septana.de and www.vardana.de., or write to
mail@frankschmolke.de
mail@vardahasselmann.de
Our postal address is:
SEPTANA GbR
P.O. Box 70 08 11
81308 München, Germany
| Chief Characteristics of Fear | |
Greed Fear of Privation − insatiable+ demanding |
Self-Sabotage Fear of Joyfulness − self-destructive+ self-sacrificing |
| Expression Level | |
Arrogance Fear of Vulnerability − vain+ proud |
Self-Deprecation Fear of Inadequacy − self-abasing+ modest |
| Inspiration Level | |
Impatience Fear of Omission − intolerant+ audacious |
Martyrdom Fear of Worthlessness − victimizing+ selfless |
| Action Level | |
Stubbornness Fear of Unpredictability − obstinate+ resolute |
|
| Assimilation Level | |
General
It is not an easy business for the soul to have a body. When a soul enters the worldly, physical sphere, it isn’t surprising that it should be afraid. Living up to the requirements of the incarnated existence represents an enormous challenge. Standing helpless and incompetent in the face of this new form of existence creates great fear. The soul needs to live a life the way it was planned; it is necessarily afraid of being unable to cope with all the demands and circumstances. This anguish can produce the archetype of Self-deprecation. The cause of this archetype is a deep fear of inadequacy.
Dealing with this archetypal fear is painful but important and necessary. It must be explored and experienced again and again in the course of different Soul Ages, because a Young Soul will experience it differently from an Old Soul.
A rich treasure of accumulated experience is already available to the soul from some or even many former existences on earth. This comprehensive experience ensures that all difficulties of a new incarnation could be mastered, given some preparation. Knowledge and knowing are securely stored in any human being based on his existential history, which often encompasses many thousands of years. If somebody, out of fear to fail in this new life, denies his inherent potential, he also denies the history of his soul. At the same time, the newly aspired for Goal of Development will be shadowed by the fear of failure, although this goal has also been repeatedly pursued and successfully mastered in the course of a long existential history.
Anyone troubled with the denial of his best, most beautiful abilities and qualities and with the negation of knowledge gained in previous lives, will painfully experience failure time and again. Everything he believes himself unable to achieve will unconsciously be confirmed by others thinking him incompetent as well. These reflections will enhance his own subjective feeling of being incapable, inadequate, of not knowing enough – of being simply not good enough for this life. It is important though not to confound such helpless self-assessment with a lack of self-worth, because the Self-deprecating person, unlike someone with the archetype of Martyrdom, has no problem with his worth as such. He may have a big question mark about his ability to prove himself valiant towards life, but not with respect to his intrinsic value as a human being, which is essential and will remain so for him.
Self-deprecators will understandably try to deny or compensate their feelings of inadequacy in one way or another. That is why they develop a rich methodology which, despite their apprehensions and deep fear of failure, will enable them to actively construe and master their life. It is striking how people with Self-deprecation as an archetype of fear are often able to cope with the challenges of life much better than those not tantalized by fear of failure. That’s because they make an infinitely greater effort in order to avert feeling this inadequacy and inability. They’ll do anything to prove to themselves and their fellow men that they are more than good enough: clever, competent, intelligent and diligent.
This line of justification, of course, mustn’t ever lead so far as to make their achievement stand out in the pattern of their self-programmed role of modesty. Because, if this should incidentally happen, the feeling of inadequacy they are so used to, will immediately be re-engaged and put in its place, so that the fear as preset in their individual soul pattern can calm down and feel satisfied: »Yes, it is true, I am incapable.« The person is reaffirmed in his self-assessment that he is indeed not as clever, as skilled, as smart, as hard-working or as successful as he has optimistically imagined himself in order to fend off his basic fear.
The Poles of the Fear of Inadequacy
– Self-abasing 
Modest +
The modesty of a person with Self-deprecation is rarely a natural unpretentiousness innate to his character, which, satisfied and benign, radiates into the world. It rather conceals a false modesty, because the individual is not modest in a true expression of his natural way of being, but from fear of making demands. He takes the back seat to avoid attracting attention. He renounces for fear of rejection. He modestly remains in the background because he lacks confidence and is afraid of embarrassment, refusal and failure.
If he could, as in the way he sometimes fantasizes in his omnipotent dreams, he would be anything but modest. He would demand, he would take, he would claim what is due to him, and even more than that. Instead though, he retreats behind his disguise of a righteous modesty. He abides in the half-shade of his unpretentiousness so as to remain inconspicuous lest he should be called upon. He trembles at the thought that he might be given a commission he doesn’t feel up to.
When someone jestingly says to him: »Modesty is a virtue, but you get further without it!« the Self-deprecator winces. For he feels caught in his megalomaniac fantasies, beguiling him that he would get ahead much further without his primal Fear of Inadequacy. But he retreats behind his façade because he believes that morally, modesty is to be rated much higher than immodesty of any kind. Obviously, he draws a significant mental benefit from this imaginary ethical supremacy. The Self-deprecator likes to profit from a code of ethics coined by Christian virtues, which has conventionalized modesty to a high-value commodity, without consideration from which source it is fed – from fear or from love.
Modesty is a code of behavior generally attributed to the female gender, that is, to show a demure demeanor as the male’s servant in an environment dominated by the masculine principle – regardless of the given capabilities or needs. In most human societies, females are supposed to act with modesty, thereby giving a feeling of superiority and power to males. If, in any incarnation, a woman wants to explore the archetype of Self-deprecation, she usually corresponds to a femininity ideal that puts her in her place and with which she tries to identify. It is not surprising that false modesty, rooted in Self-deprecation, is actually interpreted as a praiseworthy female virtue. An overly modest male, however, is regarded as weak and helpless. It is more difficult for him to retreat behind the conditioning of his archetypal fear. Men, therefore, often experience their false modesty more painfully and will, if possible, fight more fiercely against it, because it yields little benefit, especially in professional life.
It must be kept in mind that Self-deprecation is a phenomenon of the universal energy 1, which is an inspirational energy (as in the Soul Role of Healer/Helper). Thus, in terms of the connection of this fear to the supernatural and celestial, to transcendence and recompense »in heaven«, self-deprecation plays an essential role. The Self-deprecator, whether he is aware of it or not, is willing to make great sacrifices and certainly no great demands on life. He projects his hope for reward to some faraway day, when he is no longer subject to worldly existence with its taxing efforts, but has returned to the sphere where the question of »being able or unable« no longer counts. As for the rest, he hopes for late gratification like a maiden from a fairytale. Out of desperation over the inadequacy ascribed to her by her stepmother, she throws herself into a well like the fairytale maiden. Only in the otherworld can she reveal her true qualities, and it is there that she will be richly rewarded.
When Self-deprecation is expressed in the negative pole of self-abasement, it leads to a submissive attitude and servility, an aura of sycophancy or subservience, which, in an almost biologically programmed gesture of humility, signals to the environment: »Please don’t hurt me. Don’t assail me. Don’t reprimand me, I promise to be good. I’ll do anything you want. I am ready to serve you, but please be kind to me. I can’t bear any criticism or rejection.«
The energetic result, however, of such an attitude usually isn’t what the self-abasing person has hoped for. He will, on the contrary, find that he gets kicked because he has proffered himself as a doormat; that he is despised because he doesn’t respect himself; that he is humiliated because he acts humbly; that he is treated like a servant and sometimes even like a slave, because he has offered himself as such in his anticipatory obedience. This offering by no means occurs as a calculated act or an act of volition. A subservient Self-deprecator ducks from fear of those he considers bigger, stronger, more intelligent, more powerful, more important or worthier. Especially when he tends to act not only modestly but obsequiously, he seeks to be close to people who are self-assured or strive for power, to the highly gifted or the prominent and beautiful. It gives him a chance to at least reflect in their glory from afar while standing in the shadow himself.
The person in the pole of modesty enjoys his modesty, he is even a little proud of it, although he senses that fear stops him from coming out of the half-shade. The self-abasing person in contrast hides in the shade and feels no joy, but rather kicks himself if there happens to be no one around to do it for him. In both cases, the person develops a more or less subtle self-hate and a fearful form of non-sexual masochism, which has an unpleasant effect on people, evoking incomprehension and disdain.
That behind all these ways of behaviors, in the positive and in the negative pole alike, lurks the naked fear of being unable to cope with life and its requirements in terms of work, assertiveness, the ability to build and maintain relationships and much more. However all this rarely surfaces to the consciousness of everyone involved. Strong Self-deprecation can cause considerable suffering because the discrepancy between actual capability and self-assessment of this capability is immense.
The Released Potential
The potential concealed behind Self-deprecation, but usually inhibited by the consequences of this primal fear, is an amazing, overall competence in most areas of life. As this self-denying form of fear is gradually released, competence combined with increasing self-assurance creates a quiet aura of capability, knowledge and responsibility, as well as a realistic assessment of one’s possibilities and abilities. Since both an under- and over-estimation of the self are similarly expressions of this archetype, an almost automatic balancing at mid-level will occur when the fear diminishes. The self-conception becomes more realistic.
It gets easier to admit occasionally that one cannot do or doesn’t know, or has to find out first. Such an avowal is linked with lesser shame and distress than before. Even the admission that there are areas which – due to outer circumstances, lack of talent or unsuitable physical conditions – are simply unattainable, no longer inevitably leads to the helpless, shameful feelings of failure and inadequacy.
Likewise, a balanced, realistic self-conception no longer triggers the need for self-aggrandizement, either in fantasies, dreams or in contact with one’s fellow men. To boast with pseudo-knowledge or to show off with a newly acquired skill becomes superfluous. Self-assured competence spreads like oil on water in the same measure as the fear level drops. The inner certainty of this competency assuages the anxious feelings of obsequious modesty. The body no longer reacts as violently with somatization symptoms to the threats posed by requirements one believes oneself unable to cope with. It’s not such a big deal anymore to admit: »I don’t feel up to that, I don’t know how to do that.« Such an admission becomes a calm, reality-based statement, ceasing to threaten the Self-deprecator’s world to collapse.
Great joy arises at the discovery of these capabilities, talents and competences which had long been guessed at or noticed as a potential by the people around. Only the Self-deprecator himself grieved at the thought that he wasn’t up to the demands of the job, the family or simply everyday life. This joy is like the bliss of a little child discovering that it can walk without help or hold the spoon, learning that it doesn’t run into mortal danger at its first steps trying to explore its surroundings, but rather feels a great gain in the conquest of its little world. A new learning, which aims at life competence, builds up swiftly. And even the Self-deprecator, when he finally realizes he has only imagined his innumerable inabilities, bubbles over with delight at his skills he may now show without fear of being punished. He can even accept praise without blushing or fending it off timidly.
Fear of Inadequacy: Three Types
The Wallflower-type of Self-deprecation starts to tremble and shake at the mere thought of emerging from the twilight or the half shadow of its self-image and step into the sunlight of attention. The idea to be seen, to be noticed, to be commended, admired or even loved will trigger a more or less serious panic. The Wallflower type is particularly shy and believes itself capable of nothing at all: no attractiveness, no skills, no resonance in fellow men and only insignificant competences. A Wallflower therefore abides under a veil of half visibility. It dreams, however, of one grand day sometime in the future, if possible rather later than sooner in life. Then it will be dragged by some wonderful person or by a large applauding audience from the shadow into the light, because, lo and behold, at last! all the qualities, the beauty and glittering facets of its personality, which the Wallflower hasn’t ever seen in itself, are finally discovered by the world.
The Wallflower suffers from a problem of reflection because it hopes that others see what it cannot see itself. It appears so grey and inconspicuous because it doesn’t dare look at itself in the mirror – out of sheer fear of discovering only a small heap of ashes there. As long as it keeps its eyes shut and tries not to see itself, the Wallflower feels a certain peace. With eyes closed, it can dream of a glamorous »coming out.« It’s this dream, whose fulfillment would be intolerably frightening, that largely upholds the weak emotional stability.
A Wallflower – be it man or woman – is also what is called a »still water.« Due to an intense inner life of which so little seeps to the outside, a great wealth of feelings and sensations builds up over the years. Because the Wallflower finds scant resonance in its environment, it must develop all strength and abilities from within, and bury all talents and vocations deeply inside itself, so that nobody ever finds out about them. They are, nevertheless, existent, albeit the Wallflower seldom manages to open itself up to a loving, patient and tenacious person and allow him or her to take a look into the depths of this quiet lake with all its sunken, mysterious and hidden treasures.
The Wallflower keeps up an illusory façade of inability. This façade is like a painted Japanese paper wall: he who carelessly passes by will not see what is behind. To do so, one must come really close or even bore a hole into this non-transparent but very thin membrane of under-estimation of the self.
When a Wallflower, male or female, enters a room, it almost seems as if it wasn’t really there, as if a shade or silhouette had approached, without a live, solid aura. A Wallflower will do and try everything not to attract attention. Men and women alike make themselves look unattractive in an inconspicuous way, yet without being strikingly ugly, since that, in turn, might also evoke attention or comments. Everything about them is sort of unreal, their movements restrained, the eyes often lowered; they seem to direct any looks away rather than command attention. They emanate the inaudible message: »For heaven’s sake, do not see who I really am!« All this happens without the self-denying person being able to actually define this »real being«; because that is exactly what he or she hasn’t yet discovered.
A complaint which can often be heard from a Wallflower is: »It seems I’m invisible.« Yet a certain satisfaction about this excellent strategy can be discerned behind this statement. To be seen is exactly what the Wallflower associates with horror fantasies of exposure or challenges, with feeling unprotected and helpless. The well-practiced inconspicuousness serves as a magic cap to help bear the permanent feeling of failure in human relationships.
As for the rest, the Wallflower type is convinced that it has not the slightest sexual appeal and therefore likes to keep clear of the other sex. If, however, a partner has been found, the Wallflower in cautious modesty and submissiveness believes it will find fulfillment in a homebody-fashion, unobtrusive dedication, or else as the family man industriously laboring in the background. Such Self-deprecators will frequently find out sooner or later that the partner turns to someone else who has fewer problems with being attractive.
Features
A Wallflower, finding several free seats available, will always opt for a place all the way in the back or at the edge. The voice is restrained and low-key even to a whisper, the bearing appears contracted and well behaved. When accosted in the most harmless way such as: »Well, how are things?« it will respond with vacant verbiage such as: »Well, so-so« or »oh well, getting along.« It takes special effort to find out how he or she really feels, and that’s not because they try to hide something, but because they actually can’t feel and tell themselves.
The skin is rather pale with a greyish sheen. There’s an impression of low vitality about this person. Either he or she hasn’t ever done any sports and doesn’t enjoy going for a breath of fresh air, or else it’s a kind of lonely, excessively practiced kind of sport, serving not so much to increase vitality and health but to discipline one’s feelings. Jogging or swimming for example is a good way to get tired or offer a socially accepted pastime not requiring contact with others. Parties or large, fun events are preferably avoided.
Such a person is often a true bookworm because in books he can experience life the way it could be and can identify himself with literary figures who are less shy and mouse-grey than he is. At times, however, the Wallflower may experience unusual outbursts and breakthroughs, e.g. during the carnival season. Under the mask, everything is permitted, or during a trip to some foreign country where one is unknown and can, like in an experiment, act differently from one’s usual self. Also at the football stadium or at mass events, which the Wallflower visits exactly because it hopes to disappear in the crowd, certain ecstasies of liberation from the usual inhibitions might be experienced.
Typical complaints of the Wallflower
The type of the self-denying Wallflower often has skin problems such as severe acne, urticaria, psoriasis and neurodermatitis. Contact allergies on the hands or a fungal attack of the skin, feet and genitals are the body’s shy measure to avoid meeting with people to the extent possible. Various unspectacular and non-specific complaints which only seldom require medical consultation limit the zest for life of a Wallflower. It is frequently short-sighted or visually impaired. At the same time, one can’t help feeling that the thick glasses don’t serve primarily to perceive the outside world, but to hide and cover up the gaze. The eyes look out shyly; they hardly turn to their interlocutor. Hardness of hearing, which sometimes is purely psychogenic, can also be observed. Migraine, permitting the Wallflower to retire from the tormenting interaction with its fellow men for a while, for hours, days or completely, is not rare.
Psychiatric forms of this archetypal fear can be found in people who not only have the strong desire to withdraw but to live like a recluse, not talking to or seeing anyone for weeks. And there’s an even stronger version of the Wallflower-like misanthropy, which tries to solve its problems by imputing to its neighbors all kinds of bad or magically-harmful practices.
A person stricken with such pathological fear sees only enemies and overpowering miscreants in people who would like to get close to him, threatening him in his extreme self-consciousness. Other manifestations are delusional ideas or hallucinations bordering on megalomania and exercising one’s power or telepathy to influence others. What the Wallflower doesn’t act out in reality is delegated to a split-off imaginary personality, who by proxy aims to intimidate and master others through developing an awesome, oversized self-image. Sometimes, such a Wallflower also follows a community which practices satanic rites, develops special, mysterious games or dangerous collective fantasies on the Internet to hurt or even blot out the society which is allegedly so hostile towards them.
Indications for treatment of the Wallflower
A Wallflower looking for help to cope with oversized inhibition and bashful modesty requires a comprehensive treatment. It also implies that some tricks be lovingly applied to help the Wallflower get over the high thresholds of self-restraint. As soon as a trustful relationship has been established, the therapist should express some kind of praise at each session. Later he needs to assert, by once bringing up the subject, that this intervention has been processed in the patient’s system.
If legally possible, the therapist may also prescribe a placebo which purportedly provides the timid patient with more courage, more candor and reduces shyness. It is also important to set small tasks for the individual concerned, always building up on the previous one. At an initial stage, these refer to dress, hairstyle and adornments. For example, a male client could be asked to purchase a colorful sweater, bring it to the session and actually wear it. It doesn’t have to be a red one; also blue, green or yellow will do for a start. It could be suggested to the client to bring a ring or precious stone to the session, perhaps one that’s been lying in a drawer somewhere, inherited and never yet worn. A next step could be asking him to buy something, in keeping with his financial means, perhaps assisted by a female friend or even the therapist. For a Wallflower, a shawl, a scarf, a handbag or just new shoes often represent a considerable challenge when it comes to self-image.
At a later stage, mirroring techniques can be applied. These can be fashioned in such a way that, for example, the therapist takes the role of a mother who is enthusiastic about her child. The idea is to compensate for the Wallflower’s early-childhood, preverbal hunger for reflection in its mother’s eyes. The »mother« can look into the client’s eyes with great joy and tell him how glad she is to see him again, or how pleased that he already looks much happier, and likewise. Similarly, individual body parts can be focused on and made an issue of discussion, e.g. the legs, the hands, the skin and hair. This will help the disordered self-assessment change into a more realistic perspective of the self. The therapist should be careful, of course, not to sweet-talk bad teeth or declare thin, unkempt hair to be a splendid mane. A hand-mirror or full mirror can also be used as a tool to carefully encourage the patient to look at himself in order to uncover his self-criticism and bring to the surface the good and beautiful aspects of his nature.
The Kindly Soul has struck a deal with life which says: »I won’t harm you so that you won’t harm me« and »If you don’t hurt me, I’m not going to hurt you either,« or »If I see only the good and beautiful in everything, the bad and ugly just doesn’t exist.« The Kindly Soul shies away from conflict and hates all complications which arise when interacting with people or confronting the realities of life. It seeks peace and harmony at all times, because, as a general rule, it doesn’t feel up to coping with anything that is not beautiful, peaceful and harmonious.
It’s as if an immunizing factor was missing from its genetic code, which simply makes it impossible to subject itself to the aggressions of the world. The Kindly Soul thus lives in isolation inside a bubble. He or she believes that aggressive acts would afflict them like a deadly virus or bacillus. So it endeavors to strengthen its defense by exuding an enormous amiability and a disarming, naive, almost simple-minded kind-heartedness, all the while gladly accepting that it is being exploited, laughed at and cheated on. What counts is that it doesn’t suspect anyone capable of wrongdoing; its world is perfect. The Kindly Soul just doesn’t get why others aren’t the same.
Self-deprecation here is expressed by believing oneself incapable of meeting life any other way than with this almost super-human guilelessness. The feelings of incapability concern primarily situations of conflict, rather than one’s own abilities in terms of talents or the capacity to cope with everyday life like the Wallflower. With its radiation of goodwill, the Kindly Soul disarms anyone likely to be critical or reprimand it, and so makes it impossible to do such a thing. Instead, a lot of talk goes on about how this sweetish goodness is really insufferable for everyone around, even though no one would say so directly because the Kindly Soul signals: »Any criticism will instantly kill me.«
The Kindly Soul can also be recognized by its rather sentimental reaction to any wrong, harm, criticism or bad luck happening to others. Like all Self-deprecators, it has secret dreams about one day banging its fist on the table, yelling at or really crucifying someone. These fantasies can go as far as wanting to kill those who ever wronged, criticized or confronted it. The Kindly Soul thus harbors a potential of violence which must not be underestimated, a violence which may fuse when a less inhibited person rashly releases these pent-up aggressions.
Features
The phenotype of the Kindly Soul appears childlike, soft and vulnerable, eyes gleaming with a mild gaze, hoping for compassion and demanding sympathy. This person likes to flatter and admire others, as by protective magic, for he or she has found that once they have showered someone with kindness and praise, the other person will find it hard to give anything but kindness and sympathy in return. The Kindly Soul preferably dresses in soft pastel colors; men too like to wear a pink jumper or a light, delicate yellow shirt. The Kindly Soul stands out by the permanent, loving smile on its face, which appears almost chronic, causing a masklike wrinkle formation on the face even in younger years. The eyes are wide open in amazement about »such wonderful« or »really really terrible people.« Conversation will soon turn to topics showing how nice the Kindly Soul treats family, animals or colleagues, or how it always thinks up something nice in order to cultivate and ensure everyone’s affection. In extreme cases, one may even hear remarks such as: »When I think about how good I am, tears come to my eyes.« The general attitude and statements are played down, mildly excusing or frantically harmonizing everything. The home is adorned with childlike comfort symbols. There are cuddly toys and ever so many keepsakes from infinitely grateful, kind people; also little dolls, frilled throw pillows in rich-pink and sky-blue, as if stepping into the nursery of a never born baby or a child who died in infancy.
Men are often the good-natured, teddy-bear type, while women tend to be sort of motherly-bosomy. Both will report that they are often told: »You are much too good for this world!« All this is based on a denial of aggressive impulses which are quite strong, although the Kindly Soul rarely acknowledges them. They should be brought to its attention carefully and cautiously. True kindness isn’t lost if one defends oneself or backs up one’s point of view or attacks an aggressor. Even a Kindly Soul can gradually be made to understand this.
The voice is a little high and child-like or, usually in men, soothing. Because they couldn’t harm a fly, Kindly Souls prefer a vegetarian diet. They also hope that renouncing meat makes them even more peaceful. This way of life isn’t founded on health considerations but on fear-ridden ideology. The Kindly Soul seeks activities and professions in which it can be »good« or at least politically most correct. One will easily meet them in health stores selling organic foods, and, of course, in counseling centers. Kindly Souls are on the spot whenever toads need to be carried across the road at night and they support whale protection programs.
Such Kindly Souls spoil and pamper their children and others in their care. They don’t set any limits for fear of resistance and so rear offspring who act up with them and treat them with a certain sniffiness. It follows that Kindly Souls complain about insubordinate children, mobbing at work or, in later years, about being exploited by everyone and finding little recognition.
Typical complaints of the Kindly Soul